All grown up?

On Friday, I had lunch with Mie and Soo. Of course, I was a bit dubious of the conversation; as much as the married woman and I had easily conversed in the past, what if it would be awkward because of the time passed? I dread those silences. But with Soo, and just naturally, the conversation flowed easily and I found myself enjoying their company.

We talked about various things: Mie's trip to Japan, her difficulty in obtaining a visa, her brief 10-day journey to Thailand with her husband's MBA class, our numerous excursions, classes, interesting stories. It is interesting to note that even with the age gap, the difference in life experiences, and some cultural barriers, Mie still treated us, these barely 20-year old college students, as her equals. The test came, when I decided to ask her about her future marriage plans. Fairly recently married, would the just retired, jet-setting, once successful investment banker now in her 40's try to have children? Surprisingly, Mie answered with ease. "Yes," she responded, "We are trying". And we began to discuss the various options, talking about marriage and children in general.

In the midst of the conversation, in the back of my mind, I found myself marveling at this rarity: 2 college students discussing the aspects of married life with such a mature, amazing woman. The fact that she was so open and willing to talk about such topics was a testament to her level of respect for us. It made me wonder: Is this what it feels like to be an adult? Does this mean that I have "grown up"? What happened to the days when talking about sex was taboo, when talking to those older than us entailed solely politesse, when we considered even boys to be full of cooties? Now we've reached the age where sex is normal-- thought to be healthy and good, even, where age doesn't matter as much in friendships, where we seek opposite sex companionship. What is the sign of being "grown up"? When do we know that we have reached that point? Sure, we can grow old, but some of us never "grow up"-- and is that a bad thing? A good thing? I guess it would depend on what how someone defines "growing up".

I remember having the desire to never grow up, to never become an adult. Others around me wanted to so desperately turn 16, to turn 18, to turn 21, but I asked myself, "Why? Why would they want to be grown up?" Even at a young age, I knew. I knew that being a grown up wasn't going to be fun, liberating; it was going to be hard, full of responsibilities, rife with strife. I didn't want to grow up. Even still...I don't want to grow up. I joke that I have the mentality of a 5 year old half the time, but what is it about growing up that is so bad?

It is true: growing up is hard. Change, in any form, at any age, is hard. But that doesn't necessarily mean that it will be bad. Maybe the fear I had (and still have) about growing up is that...it means I've lost pleasure in the simple things. That I have only greater and more stressful life decisions to look forward to, that I will face increasing pressures and burdens, that I will grow old, without having enjoyed life. That I will become bogged down with the fears and expectations that come with being old. Yet, as I encountered that rainy Friday afternoon, over a meal of typical French brasserie food, growing up isn't always a bad thing. Earning the respect of others, enjoying the liberty to discuss previously forbidden topics, laughing over and earnestly discussing future options and plans-- with the entire realm of possibility open to us--no, being grown up isn't a bad thing.

Perhaps the important thing to learn as we grow up is that while we must grow out of our childishness, we must never grow out of our childlikeness. There's nothing wrong with snorting water out of our noses as we laugh over horrible math skills right after intensely discussing the merits of methods of conception. Or carrying around beaded purses in the shape of a cartoon pig's face while wearing gold Rolexes. Nothing at all. It merely means that one has grown up well.